Growing up my mom said that all I ever wanted to do was watch Disney movies. From every single one of the princesses to The Lion King, I was a kid addicted to watching these movies. She said I would watch The Lion King over and over and over again. If I was home, that's what was playing on the tv. 20 some odd years later, I'm still a huge movie person, but I really started to think of why I have this emotional attachment to these movies. Why as a child was I just so smitten with watching these animated characters conquer their biggest life challenges? And then I figured it out.
I wanted to be like them.
It may come as a shock to some of you, but I do have issues dealing with anxiety. I know a lot of it stems from inside my own brain and self talk, rant for a different time, but over this past weekend I started to really dig down deep to figure out the root of the problem. Much of my anxiety is linked back to this idea that I am not all that I can be, that there has to be something more. It's this ongoing feeling that I am never doing enough, that I need to be working on something so magnificent that there is no question of my worth as a human! Just like in the movies. The princesses felt suppressed, they knew that there was something more for them just waiting on the other side of their fears. They knew that they were meant for amazing things. And they go, they go after their life's greatest challenge and they conquer it! They're heroes, they found the love of their lives, they CHANGED THE WORLD! Naturally, I wanted to be them. I want to be my own hero. I want to find the love of my life*. I want to change the fucking world.
And that's my "problem". I have this undeniable feeling of wanting to be someone great. I want to do great things. Things that get statues built for you, of you. Things that make people grateful that you are there to help them. It's this burning desire in my heart, that is also burning me out.
Come December, I will be graduating with a Master's Degree in Exercise Science and I am expected to get another "big girl job", and honestly I'm terrified. I am afraid that I will have the same experience as I did the last time I did this whole adulting thing. I know that this time I will at least be in the field I want to be in, but what if that's not enough? What if I find this feeling again of wanting to be more, to do more? What will it take to fill this empty feeling?
But that's the risk we take. There is no other way to find out what your "calling" is except to keep looking for it. Keep trying new things, learn everything you can, ask all the questions, because without this curiosity, you won't be able to find it. Whatever "it" is. Whether you're meant to be the hero of your own story or be a hero to someone else, we need to keep trying and moving forward. The challenge is to believe and keep your faith that everything will work out the way it's supposed to be, that you are exactly where you are meant to be. The universe has a plan and so should you.
Whatever it is for you, don't stop until you've found it. Life, the world, is too big not to go for it with everything that you have. As long as you accept that it will be no easy task, do what you were meant to do. And completely kick ass at it.
"There is no passion to be found playing small- settling for a life that is less than one that you are capable of living."- Nelson Mandela
*Disclaimer
, I think I conquered this task already.
I wanted to be like them.
It may come as a shock to some of you, but I do have issues dealing with anxiety. I know a lot of it stems from inside my own brain and self talk, rant for a different time, but over this past weekend I started to really dig down deep to figure out the root of the problem. Much of my anxiety is linked back to this idea that I am not all that I can be, that there has to be something more. It's this ongoing feeling that I am never doing enough, that I need to be working on something so magnificent that there is no question of my worth as a human! Just like in the movies. The princesses felt suppressed, they knew that there was something more for them just waiting on the other side of their fears. They knew that they were meant for amazing things. And they go, they go after their life's greatest challenge and they conquer it! They're heroes, they found the love of their lives, they CHANGED THE WORLD! Naturally, I wanted to be them. I want to be my own hero. I want to find the love of my life*. I want to change the fucking world.
And that's my "problem". I have this undeniable feeling of wanting to be someone great. I want to do great things. Things that get statues built for you, of you. Things that make people grateful that you are there to help them. It's this burning desire in my heart, that is also burning me out.
Come December, I will be graduating with a Master's Degree in Exercise Science and I am expected to get another "big girl job", and honestly I'm terrified. I am afraid that I will have the same experience as I did the last time I did this whole adulting thing. I know that this time I will at least be in the field I want to be in, but what if that's not enough? What if I find this feeling again of wanting to be more, to do more? What will it take to fill this empty feeling?
But that's the risk we take. There is no other way to find out what your "calling" is except to keep looking for it. Keep trying new things, learn everything you can, ask all the questions, because without this curiosity, you won't be able to find it. Whatever "it" is. Whether you're meant to be the hero of your own story or be a hero to someone else, we need to keep trying and moving forward. The challenge is to believe and keep your faith that everything will work out the way it's supposed to be, that you are exactly where you are meant to be. The universe has a plan and so should you.
Whatever it is for you, don't stop until you've found it. Life, the world, is too big not to go for it with everything that you have. As long as you accept that it will be no easy task, do what you were meant to do. And completely kick ass at it."There is no passion to be found playing small- settling for a life that is less than one that you are capable of living."- Nelson Mandela
*Disclaimer
, I think I conquered this task already.
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